A great love of mine, reaching far back into my childhood, is artistic gymnastics.
I spent a year or two in the gym then quit, believing it to be too costly for my parents.
I remember that conversation to this day.
I regret that conversation to this day.
Several years later, I tried rhythmic gymnastics and, again, spent several years in the gym then coached a few more. Unsuccessfully, I might add.
However, for me “rhythmics” didn’t have quite the same pull.
Sigh, the trials of youth.
With that said I recently read two artistic gymnastic books and thoroughly enjoyed the experience of immersing myself in the world of the gym.
Letters to a Young Gymnast
by Nadia Comaneci
Basic Books
2004
Nadia Comaneci was my gymnastics hero, just like thousands of other aspiring gymnasts.
One of my favourite movies growing up was, “Nadia”. I found it on You Tube and found it just as inspiring now as I did then.
Note: Apparently the scene in the movie where Nadia drinks dish soap as a suicide attempt was stretched to add tension and drama.
Letters to a Young Gymnast provides a glimpse into Nadia’s life as an elite gymnast in Romania and her new life in North America. Nadia also provides details of her defection to the United States – unreal.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Nadia’s experiences and truly felt sorry for her in parts. Life was not easy despite her national and international fame.
The book did not disappoint.
Chalked Up
by Jennifer Sey
William Morrow/Harper Collins Publishers
2008
Until this autobiography, I had never heard of Jennifer Sey, the 1986 United States Gymnastics Champion.
While I thoroughly enjoyed her story, the experiences she detailed page after page totally took the romance out of elite gymnastics. Hers is a story of “merciless coaching, overzealous parents, eating disorders, and elusive Olympic dreams.”
Things no parent should want their child to experience.
Reading her book did bring a certain question to mind...
What does pushing too hard look like? When does it happen?
I think the question of pushing too be hard can be asked of all parents of all children in activities.
It is certainly not exclusive to gymnastics.
We recently asked ourselves this question with Number One Son. When is enough enough?
For four years we poked and prodded him to attend music lessons, to practice music lessons, to love (or at least like) music lessons, until we finally gave up.
We felt (and still do) that music adds depth to character never mind providing a very versatile and practical skill.
Number One Son disagreed.
The pull he felt was to hockey.
I think there comes a time with all children when you have to let them give up on one activity in lieu of another. One can not be good at everything, and eventually comes the time to choose.
Which do they want to pursue?
If Number One Son wants to spend his time playing hockey instead of playing piano, so be it.
He did give piano four years, after all.
And he knows the minute he asks to go back, the door is open.
The fact is God has given us all unique and individual gifts. I believe one can worship God through playing hockey just as easily as through the piano.
Just maybe not as traditional.
1 Corinthians 10:31
“So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
If my Number One Son seeks to do his best at hockey to glorify God through helping his team, well then, he's in worship.
So, what about pushing within the activity they love?
Hockey is a terrific example.
In our city, all parents have to take an on-line course and sign their lives away agreeing to be respectful towards all players, coaches, refs, other parents, and, especially, their own child.
Still, you regularly hear stories of parents who’ve failed.
Then, of course, there are all the signs and posters and emails about all the additional hockey and skating you, as a hockey parent, can sign your child up for. There are enough options to fill every nook of your child's time with hockey and the like.
As a hockey parent, the pull is certainly there. After all, you realize that the more practice time your child gets the better the team they'll end up on and the more competitive the games will be, and the cycle continues.
I know. I have felt it.
I believe a sign of respect is not pushing your child too hard. Follow their lead. After all, pushing too hard will eventually back fire and your child will end up hating the activity they once loved.
Pushing too hard is when a parent holds unrealistic expectations over their child.
Pushing too hard is when the parent forces their child to practice for the tenth (or even third) time that day.
Pushing too hard comes when a parent believes their child is the best and will do their activity professionally.
Pushing hard comes when a parent relives their youth through their child.
Pushing too hard when the parent forgets their child is still their child.
As a parent, there are times when it takes restraint to not push too hard or to hold your tongue. To let it be. Especially when I forget what really matters...
As a parent, what should be the most important to me in all my child's activities?
That my child loves what they are doing.
That my child does their best at what they’re doing.
That my child glorifies God through what they are doing.
That my child is a light to others through what they are doing.
That my child feels my overwhelming love, encouragement and support, no matter how well they perform.
That is (part of) the Art of Parenting Well.
Reading on...
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